Last night was movie night, and Annie was the movie of choice. Okay, so you got me...the only reason Annie was the movie of choice is because it was on sale at Target for $4.75. Just being honest. The kids were happy none-the-less because I sold this bargin DVD as the greatest thing since gluten-free sliced bread, and they each had their own bowl of popcorn. Life was good all around. It's amazing the difference a week makes and the lessons you can learn from fictitious, orphaned, little red-head girls named Annie. I've gone back several times and read my uber emotional and honest blog entry from last week; A Smile Isn't Always a Smile. Reading it can still make me cry because the pain is very real, but the tears aren't nearly as fluid and the feelings aren't nearly as raw today as they were at that moment. Not to mention, Annie is 100% correct...tomorrow is always a day away.
So, last Saturday night sucked in every sense of the word. I had to walk out my door on Sunday morning "wearing" a smile that wasn't really a smile at first, but I felt incredibly liberated as odd as that may seem. It felt really, really good to so candidly talk about my personal reality. It was like this invisible weight was lifted from my shoulders. People so often see me laughing and smiling that it's hard to imagine I could be anything but happy sometimes. We're very open and honest about Zachary and the challenges we face. This is our life. It is what it is. It's just not my speed to sit and complain and cry and drone on and on about how difficult and unfair life can be. True. Life isn't always fair. That's life. Sometimes, you've just gotta pull up your big-girl panties and deal. No one ever said it was gonna be easy. Ah, yes...that's more my speed. :) I'm still blown away by how many people read this blog entry and how my words resonated with them in someway. I'm still blown away by how many other moms of kids with special needs reached out to me and thanked me for being their voice and putting their own thoughts and feelings into words. Some even asked if they could share my blog to help people in their lives better understand their reality. Thankfully, my tomorrow did come albeit touched with the after-shocks of raw emotion, and the sun did start to shine again this week. Here's why:
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My little loves. (Zach is desperately trying to
escape Uncle Michael and his camera! LOL) |
I am blessed with the best husband ever and two happy children. Joe is my rock, my true love and best-friend in the whole world. Allison is the most compassionate seven year-old I know; her understanding and acceptance of personal differences is far beyond her young years. Zachary is a little warrior unto himself; he has given us the gift of perspective and a love for life we would not have otherwise know. I spent Sunday afternoon with family all of whom mean so very much to me. It always brings me great joy to spend time with my brothers, sisters in-law and gazillion nieces and nephews.
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| The love of my life. :) |
And, after feeling so miserable the night before, walking into the craziness of my dysFUNctional family helped make my smile real again and feel the happiness I temporarily lost. I attended orientation at Rider University and registered for classes for the graduate program I'm starting in September; my time has finally come to accomplish a personal and professional goal that I've wanted for so long. Twinkie's inherent love for Zachary continues to amaze me and make my heart smile; she loves him unconditionally and is the best friend he is so deserving of. So thanks, Annie. Life sure does suck sometimes, but your words and true feelings unexpectedly resonated with me last night.
The sun'll come out Tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow There'll be sun!
Just thinkin' about Tomorrow Clears away the cobwebs, And the sorrow 'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck with a day That's gray, And lonely. I just stick out my chin And Grin, And Say, Oh!
The sun'll come out Tomorrow So ya gotta hang on 'Til tomorrow Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya Tomorrow! You're always A day Away!
Today is that day.
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